i didn't feel like writing here at all... i could have written a lot, though. well, bad news: the family told me they can not afford to pay my school in Holland and to provide me the flat anymore, so if i want to stay i have to look for a new job and a new flat and this kinda freaks me out, (woo hoo i am so american right now)... well, i've started looking but... i think i may go back to Hungary, nothing is for sure... lots of stress again. i hate the fact that i was hesitating for months if i should stay or go and stressing myself... now i've decided to stay and then the family tells me this. it disappointed me. really. maybe i am still too naive and this was a lesson... o well... i will try my best, let's see what happens. right now the idea of going home is quite as familiar as the one of staying here... other stuff: my girl has got a boyfriend which is totally big news, she is happy, really happy. and i am happy for her. and this english guy i met, well i guess he wants me to be his girlfriend if i got it right, but i don't want to be his girlfriend, he is just nice but i am not attracted to him phisycally, so i just can't... i met him again and again by the way and we had a good time... but i don't know. i decided to try how long i can date someone i am not attracted to, but i'm afraid this is going to hurt him. i don't want to hurt anyone but sometimes i just feel like experimenting (is this an english word??)... i want to know my (eeeem, what's it called?) hmmm well myself... what am i capable of and stuff like that.

okey so i am finally free, i've taken my dutch exam (i think everything went all right, i'll know if i passed or not in 6 weeks... but i guess i probably did) and i had my project presentation at the college... and it went good, too. i am proud... really. i thought i would have problems talking dutch about an economical subject in front of many people... but i didn't. it was cool. :-) i am so happy about it. and i really enjoyed the whole stuff, too. and. the english-brazilian-italian guy finally called me, but just right before he went home... so i didn't really get it... but okey. i have his email so if i am going to London, i already have someone to visit. after him there was a hungarian guy... that was really funny... finding hungarian guys in Amsterdam. the funny thing was that i wasn't even attracted to him... i was just too drunk. way too drunk. but he was nice. :-) and this weekend ... yeah actually yesterday i met an english guy who is living in Holland for like 14 years so it was funny... we talked dutch and he has no accent at all, but... for some strange reason i think the british english accent is attractive (i think it began when i met the english-brazilian-italian guy... so i am crazy about british english right now), and i asked him to talk english to me...:-) well, he was really nice, but i think too nice, and he wants to see me again, and i promised him to meet again (and again...) but actually i don't know if i want that... he was not really my type and... i don't know. it's just too easy, he was all over me, i have no idea why... and after a while that is annoying. and... too easy. ...i am stupid:-)

here some photos from the last few weeks. i will soon have more ;-)

i had a super nice weekend again:) all my weekends seem to be amazing lately. happy about it. no doubt. we went to a campsite near a lake with the Den Haag girls (Anna, Carrie, Jamie, Caitlin), Abigain and Diana. and 7 girls slept in one tent, it was fun. i don't even remember when i slept in a tent for the last time. probably 5 or 6 years ago. and the weather was sunny all weekend so we enjoyed ourselves a lot... it was the first time i went swimming this year. actually i don't even have a swimming suit yet. black underwear is also okey, who cares?:) and sunday i went to Amsterdam to an open air festival with Diana... woodstock style. i liked it a lot. walking barefoot in the grass hmmmmm:) i like dutch rap. i still do. and i met a guy... o yeah the same story as always... right now i am waiting for his call but he is not calling... so whatever. but he was interesting (half brazilian and half italian, born in brazil but living in london for 9 years... and he looked like a normal european guy... belgian or english or whatever.) well, he is leaving in two days, so... :) who cares:p it was fun, that was it. okay with me. and now study study study. exam soooooooon :o

i feel i want to stay here. and study. and work. and be happy. and be just here. in Holland. i like, i like, i like. i love writing my short stupid sentences in my stupid english diary. who cares? maybe i can't even make a long sentence. short sentences are cooler anyway. :-) am i right or am i right? life is beautiful. :-) and we are going camping with the girls for the weekend. i am so looking forward to it! distance is not my friend. definitely not. either is money. but i can handle this. think so... hope so... lasszoo (ok this wasn't funny).- - - by the way. still no idea what my summer is gonna be like. actually it's already summer but the weather is just crazy and i don't feel like summer.... or the weather doesn't feel like summer. or it's just simply Holland. yea. that's the answer. :-) soooo why do i actually like it here?:D:D

dutch boys are stupid.!!!!-----> not only based on my own experiences. but... partly. mostly. maybe. :)