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7月30日 home sweet homei am going back home the day after tomorrow so that's it about this blog.
 and i am never gonna be an au-pair again. it was really enough and it's simply not my thing. however, it was a great experience. and i love Holland. hope to get back here soon... it's kinda sad now to know that i am seeing everything and everyone for the last time... for now at least.  and i am packing my baggage but i have just too much stuff... still have to figure out something how to bring everything home.
HAVE A NICE SUMMER EVERYONE!!  7月25日 ??okey, so i told the family (the father) about my decision... that i will go back to hungary if i am accepted at the college there... and he was quite surprized. but of course he said he understood it and blabla... but he wants me to stay til 7th of august, in case i want to go back home. well... i feel i've done everything for them because of the fact they promised me to pay my studies... and after this deception i won't be able to do any more for them. but the bad thing is, it's hard for me to say no. however, this time i will do it.  i am able, yes! so... tomorrow i will know what's up and if i am leaving, i'll leave the 1st of august. if not... no idea. i just got to know today that it's not possible to skip one year at the college. so if i want to study here, i have to stay and start now. in september. at least this fact makes it easier for me, i don't have to decide. (betwen starting now or skipping a year to go and earn some more money) if it doesn't work out for me here with studying and working at the same time, i can just leave it and go back home or somewhere else... it isn't that difficult 7月17日 woo hooBeach party today in Bloemendaal! finally the sun is shining, so i am going soon
 well i think i finally decided that i am going back home, and i am happy about it... (and on the other hand unhapy as well), i just don't want to be an au-pair anymore... depending on other people this way is really not my thing. and they take advantage of me as well... maybe i was too nice to them and too ... ready to do everything for them... cause i thought that this is sooo nice and they are giving me sooo much so i am giving this in return. that i never say no and do everything the way they want. maybe it wasn't the right way? now i don't know, but if it's that's why that they won't pay for my school anymore... well f*ck then... and i am naive... but i am happy with it. it had to happen like this... maybe a lesson for me, but i won't be less naive in the future, so whatever.i met a really nice and fun guy friday night, i was sooo happy on saturday, after all these not that nice and fun guys it was really really a good experience. but now he is not calling me, as all the guys here do... oh well, don't call me then. it was fun anyway.
and saturday night... we wanted to go out with Diana... but it never happened. because her host partents' 10th wedding annyversary was held in their garden and she had to look after the children almost all night and we were drinking wine... and i didn't eat dinner so i got druuuunk after 4 glasses of wine (maybe 5?) and i was feeling really not good so i just took the train and my bike home... and got home alive
but i was waiting for the train at midnight at the station alone and i just randomly called people from the addressbook of my phone... and nobody answered, that was not fun. but after 10 minutes i already forgot about the whole thing... i was just too drunk. so conclusion: never drink much without eating before...
 (that's my conclusion and i don't even obeyit a couple of times...) and i won't in the future either, i guess.7月12日 the past few daysi didn't feel like writing here at all... i could have written a lot, though. well, bad news: the family told me they can not afford to pay my school in Holland and to provide me the flat anymore, so if i want to stay i have to look for a new job and a new flat and this kinda freaks me out, (woo hoo i am so american right now)... well, i've started looking but... i think i may go back to Hungary, nothing is for sure... lots of stress again. i hate the fact that i was hesitating for months if i should stay or go and stressing myself... now i've decided to stay and then the family tells me this. it disappointed me. really. maybe i am still too naive and this was a lesson... o well... i will try my best, let's see what happens. right now the idea of going home is quite as familiar as the one of staying here... other stuff: my girl has got a boyfriend which is totally big news, she is happy, really happy. and i am happy for her. and this english guy i met, well i guess he wants me to be his girlfriend if i got it right, but i don't want to be his girlfriend, he is just nice but i am not attracted to him phisycally, so i just can't... i met him again and again by the way and we had a good time... but i don't know. i decided to try how long i can date someone i am not attracted to, but i'm afraid this is going to hurt him. i don't want to hurt anyone but sometimes i just feel like experimenting (is this an english word??)... i want to know my (eeeem, what's it called?) hmmm well myself... what am i capable of and stuff like that. 7月3日 exhaustedokey so i am finally free, i've taken my dutch exam (i think everything went all right, i'll know if i passed or not in 6 weeks... but i guess i probably did) and i had my project presentation at the college... and it went good, too. i am proud... really. i thought i would have problems talking dutch about an economical subject in front of many people... but i didn't. it was cool. :-) i am so happy about it. and i really enjoyed the whole stuff, too.
and. the english-brazilian-italian guy finally called me, but just right before he went home... so i didn't really get it... but okey. i have his email so if i am going to London, i already have someone to visit. after him there was a hungarian guy... that was really funny... finding hungarian guys in Amsterdam. the funny thing was that i wasn't even attracted to him... i was just too drunk. way too drunk. but he was nice. :-)
and this weekend ... yeah actually yesterday i met an english guy who is living in Holland for like 14 years so it was funny... we talked dutch and he has no accent at all, but... for some strange reason i think the british english accent is attractive (i think it began when i met the english-brazilian-italian guy... so i am crazy about british english right now), and i asked him to talk english to me...:-) well, he was really nice, but i think too nice, and he wants to see me again, and i promised him to meet again (and again...) but actually i don't know if i want that... he was not really my type and... i don't know. it's just too easy, he was all over me, i have no idea why... and after a while that is annoying. and... too easy. ...i am stupid:-) 6月30日 more fotoshey i put some more fotos in the album party fotos, have a look!
from 2 weeks ago. i think i soon will have even more enjoy!6月20日 ooooo:)i had a super nice weekend again:) all my weekends seem to be amazing lately. happy about it. no doubt. we went to a campsite near a lake with the Den Haag girls (Anna, Carrie, Jamie, Caitlin), Abigain and Diana. and 7 girls slept in one tent, it was fun. i don't even remember when i slept in a tent for the last time. probably 5 or 6 years ago. and the weather was sunny all weekend so we enjoyed ourselves a lot... it was the first time i went swimming this year. actually i don't even have a swimming suit yet. black underwear is also okey, who cares?:) and sunday i went to Amsterdam to an open air festival with Diana... woodstock style. i liked it a lot. walking barefoot in the grass hmmmmm:) i like dutch rap. i still do. and i met a guy... o yeah the same story as always... right now i am waiting for his call but he is not calling... so whatever. but he was interesting (half brazilian and half italian, born in brazil but living in london for 9 years... and he looked like a normal european guy... belgian or english or whatever.) well, he is leaving in two days, so... :) who cares:p it was fun, that was it. okay with me. and now study study study. exam soooooooon :o 6月16日 right nowi feel i want to stay here. and study. and work. and be happy. and be just here. in Holland. i like, i like, i like. i love writing my short stupid sentences in my stupid english diary. who cares? maybe i can't even make a long sentence. short sentences are cooler anyway. :-) am i right or am i right? life is beautiful. :-) and we are going camping with the girls for the weekend. i am so looking forward to it! distance is not my friend. definitely not. either is money. but i can handle this. think so... hope so... lasszoo (ok this wasn't funny).- - -
by the way. still no idea what my summer is gonna be like. actually it's already summer but the weather is just crazy and i don't feel like summer.... or the weather doesn't feel like summer. or it's just simply Holland. yea. that's the answer. :-) soooo why do i actually like it here?:D:D it's official:dutch boys are stupid.!!!!-----> not only based on my own experiences. but... partly. mostly. maybe. :) 6月9日 i have an ideaabout this economy thing! now i think it will be all right! and. i got these practise things for the dutch exam and they seem to be easy... okey, not easy, but not difficult. just the right level. yeah. yeah. i feel the success!! i feel good. happy. i have something to do. and i like this feeling. but. there is one more dutch guy with whom it just didn't work out. well... maybe it's destiny. dutch guys are simply not meant for me. 6月7日 ghm
during the meetingi feltlikerunning away orshouting orsomething... but thetruth is, i wanted it all to be difficult, so. now. i willtry and if ienjoy it andi can makesomething decent of thiswhole thing...then i might stayin Holland. cause that'sthe point. dutch school system issomuch different from the hungarian, andwell, you really have tobe creatie and like challenges and just gofor it, so we'll see if i am able ornot. (sorry thisis a stupid keyboard in an internetcafe, the space button doesn'twork...as you can see anyway, igottoknow a nice dutch girl... she might helpme. actually i don't haveany dutch girl friends atall.yet sonow i guess i willbestudying reallyhard in the next3 weeks... dutch examaswell... 6月6日 new week beginswe were at the beach yesterday. not nice weather. not nice girl. hehe. i mean my girl. i had to work so i took her with me... and of course she got bored really quickly and then she started making up excuses just to go home quickly. sometimes she really annoyes me. in her world there is only eating, horsebackriding, watching tv, and everything-has-to-hapen-the way-i want, of course. i don't know why so many girls are doing this au-pair job. :-) why am i doing it? oh well... i may give it up... i... an uncertain. it still remains a hard decision.
----------------- anyway, tomorrow my economy course starts... looking forward to it:-) 6月5日 you are so beautiful... to mewoah, we went out friday night in Amsterdam and it was raining ... okey doesn't matter, we had a lot of fun (me and Louisa) and i met an american guy, John, who was totally beautiful... at least for me. he had such a beautiful face i was absolutely impressed... and he was really cool, too. my night was so much fun... i don't know i felt so relaxed and excited at the same time with him... it was just perfect. i haven't felt like that with any guy for a long time. for like... 6 months i guess. i just didn't want it all to end. but... well he is leaving Amsterdam next week, so i'm not going to see him again... :-( well... yeah. bye Johnny my beautiful Texas guy :-) 6月1日 the conclusion of the weekis that guys never have time for me.
which is not very nice.... since i have plenty of time. 5月30日 what should i write here?o well, this weekend was nice, i only had to work on sunday evening. and we went to the beach with Justina and Diana on sunday but it was rather cold... anyway it was fun. and Justina is really nice... i don't know, the first time i met her i thought she was a bit too agressive but now i know her a bit better and i like her. she is from Poland, by the way. saturday i was sleeping almost all say long, cause we went out in Amsterdam friday night and ... yeah the train connection in the night between Amsterdam and Haarlem... well i got home at 8 in the morning. but i had a lot of fun and i met a nice guy and i hope to see him again this week 5月22日 sorrydon't fuck anything now everything is fine again and i had a nice night and we are just going to the beach now and sun is shining and finally i am in a good mood i dont have to work this weekend, which is super nice... like the good old times so hopefully today it won't rain like yesterday when we got all wet... it was fun though... but it was just enough. dutch weather, yeah 5月21日 what's upwith my nice weekend??? it's not starting nice, anyway. i am annoyed... sometimes the girl just gets on my nerves... and not only her... everything right now. what the hell is my problem?? my plans just never seem to come true. and i hate being alone all the time! f*ck the world! HA HA! now i am going to Amsterdam alone! and i am not going to this party tonight cause nobody is coming with me, i hate living far from my friends, i will make my weekend nice! f*ck everything!
5月19日 i don'ti don't understand boys. but at least i don't want to throw stones or rocks at them... right now... maybe in 10 minutes i will again...
anyway, i am gonna have a nice weekend!!! i know!!:D |
hopefully, yeah.
oh. so. it was the "first day"of the course. which is actually not a course... everyone needstomakean own project...in dutch of course... about 10-15sheets in 3 weeks andat the end there is a presentation of your project. and it's about: management and culture. well, fine... ihaveactuallynoidea abouteconomy at allandnow i just haveto write 10-15 pages about management andculture IN DUTCH!!! well,i would sayit's a challenge. istilldo have difficulties with writing formal texts in dutch and i am happy if i am able to write one page...
. i want this to change 
Go Bea,go Bea!
sun is shining, beautiful day... blabla
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